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Wed 7 Nov 12 #1 
kevg
The Grumpinator


It has been suggested on another thread that elections should be held for various positions in the Factacular Parliament. Averse as I am to elections I am willing to take submissions for new blood to be added to the decrepit old fogeys who currently rule with an iron hand.
The Presidential role is up for grabs (so I am told). Jmax has thrown his hat into the ring to challenge the present incumbent (me).
The choice is obvious, a smart, intelligent, personable, computer savvy intellectual or a bloodthirsty tyrant. I think you will all know what is good for you.
Java currently holds the Minister of Violence brief, be very afraid to challenge that !!
Minister of Disinformation seems secure in the hands of JMK.
Health should be easy as we have so many nurses on board so I'm putting Bowler up for that as he's a "jokemaker"
Leo is surely a shoe in for Education, if he remembers where his office is.
I had thought of Saguinora for the Foreign Office but we need a war monger really so Tabbytoes should get that.
All sorts of positions available (some of them require you to hang in chains) so don't be afraid to put your name forward. I like to see who the competition is !!!


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Wed 7 Nov 12 #2 
sally906
Contributor

Whips? Chains? Will there be screams? Wine?

SO COOL!


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Thu 8 Nov 12 #3 
TABBYTOES
Contributor

can i be home sec or speaker?..........kev do we have to stand with hand on heart every time you enter?...NO CIGARS!


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Thu 8 Nov 12 #4 
Knitwitty
Member

Sheesh! Where's the brain bleach... that's not an image I wish to have... I'll thank you to keep off your knees, Tabby... especially in front of Kev!

However to the matter in hand... please can I be put forward for the Assistant Secretary for Small Insignificant Islands That Have No Power Or Influence Whatsoever (Unless there are other Factas from the Southern Hemisphere who may feel more qualified?) or maybe the Minister for Integrated Waste Management?

The Deputy Assistant Undersecretary for Pointless Titles is also an important position that needs filling... Sally should definitely have the Principal Inspector General of Severe and Unnecessary Punishments and Wine Drinking position though... which goes without saying.


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Fri 9 Nov 12 #5 
kevg
The Grumpinator

Excellent work Knitty, consider it done. Any news on the Presidential Candidate Assassination squad ?


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Fri 9 Nov 12 #6 
sally906
Contributor

Shhhhhhh! We're being very, very quite - we're hunting wabbits errrrrrr I mean presidential candidates.

I'd like to be Minister of Nothing - promise to focus 100% on Nothing - nothing in the past, do Nothing now and make sure Nothing happens in the future. I know, I know it is an important job but feel confident I can do it!


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Sat 10 Nov 12 #7 
jmaxg
Contributor

*jmaxg sizes up his first address to a crowd. he looks at JMK....she shrugs her shoulders....."I dunno!"

*jmax has no choice. He channels an old "Treehouse of Horror" episode of The Simpsons.....

jmaxg (in front of the milling Facta electorate): "Abortions for all!"

Facta: "Boo!!"

jmaxg: "Err.....abortions for some?"

Facta: *non-plussed murmurings.....confusion....

jmaxg: "Umm.....abortions for some, miniature American flags for everyone else!"

Facta: "Yay!!!"

(like shooting fish in a barrel)

jmaxg: "Beware the tyrant kev! He promises nothing but to be your overlord!"

Facta: *crickets chirping....

jmaxg (reconsidering): "KEVG.....ABORTION!!"

Facta: "BOOOOOOO!!"

*jmax looks at JMK......"See? Eh? Eh?" JMK rolls her eyes....

jmaxg: "iPads for EVERYBODY!!!"

Facta: *tumultuous roar!!

*JMK runs over......"How can we do that? We can't afford to give every person an iPad!!"

jmax: "Yeah, but haven't ya seen those software agreements? Just opening means you accept the Ts and Cs?"

JMK: "Yes"

jmax: "Same thing. Here, here's an iPad. By the way, accepting that iPad carries with it an implied acceptance of......blah, blah, blah."

JMK: "The loan to pay it off?"

jmax: "Something like that."

*the crowd roars even louder....jmax addresses them....

jmaxg: "I can't pay off your electricity, gas, or internet bill. I can't do nothing about your car or your house. But......FREE IPADS!!!!"

*the crowd roars again....


jmaxg: "But how many times have we realised we have only minutes to do a brainoff in a tournament, yet here we are, away from the computer, doing shopping! YOU NEED THAT IPAD!!!"

*more roars....

*JMK shouts over the crowd, "HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO INFER A LOAN ON SOMETHING THEY MERELY ACCEPT??"

*jmax shouts back, "HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF AOL??"

JMK: "Ahhh!"

*jmaxg spreads his arms to his adoring crowd....

Facta: "jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, jmax-g, ......etc."

*JMK joins him onstage and jmax leans down.....

jmaxg to JMK (shouting over the crowd): "As Mel Brooks once said, it's good to be the King."

;-)


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Sat 10 Nov 12 #8 
Knitwitty
Member

Minature 'American' flags! Whadda I want with one of those... I know... probably make good kindling if they've been made in some small Asian factory... I can burn it... Oh no, they're very 'touchy' about their flag.

And there's nothing wrong with my eyes... what do I want a pad for them for?

Sheesh... you lot over the pond... you're one trick ponies... you can do a speech on the telly but where are the meaningless job roles we can aspire to? The promise of power and riches if you're in the right position to bribe someone else in another country... I admit you have 'Storming into other countries and taking them over if the have oil' covered but what about those whips and chains that Sally needs... our wine... We need a pointless despot or someone who is one step away from being sectioned who is going to prove their worth time and time again... by ensuring we always have a chance to say 'Why did we elect them?... (unless you're in the UK and then you didn't elect them of course) you may have Bronco Bama but the world needs a Boris Johnson... times are a changing... heck even Australia has a woman Prime Minister!

"Oh, God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams."


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Sat 10 Nov 12 #9 
Ajax
Contributor

Don't trust him. He has binders full of women, children and little puppies.


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Sat 10 Nov 12 #10 
kevg
The Grumpinator

Only puppies and children, saving all the women for meself.
Anybody want to see some puppies ?? The kids are looking after them really well and are eating them only when really really hungry.

Names of all those attending Jmax's rally have been taken. Electricity supplies to their houses will be curtailed forthwith. Try using your eyepads then !! Relief supplies will also be disappearing if it is found certain areas are voting en masse for the cretin.

Vote for me or die !!!


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Sat 10 Nov 12 #11 
TABBYTOES
Contributor

just a goddam minute is this an American style govrnmemt!.....as candidate for the British Monster Raving loony party i object!


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Sat 10 Nov 12 #12 
jmaxg
Contributor

Just hang on!

They are binders full of women, children and little puppies......all in the same pictures.

I used to work for Hallmark.


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Sun 11 Nov 12 #13 
Java
Factactrix

Take cover! I'm throwing the antique daggers just for snickers and giggles.

In order to make sure that the election process goes the way that it should amongst the candidates, I will need the following:

2 tubes of super glue
6 pairs of handcuffs
3 king size sheets
12 rolls of duct tape
2 jig handsaws
A spatula
3 liters of vegetable oil
A box of nails
Feathers from a peacock
One small circus animal
One 22 ounce of dark columbian roast coffee with two shots of expresso

Just for starters .....


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Sun 11 Nov 12 #14 
jmaxg
Contributor

And that's what she packs for a business trip.

True story!


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Sun 11 Nov 12 #15 
southshoregirl

Count me out! I have escaped to a safe country which has a safe and honest government! It is a place which still has laws! See you when things get better!


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Mon 12 Nov 12 #16 
JMK
Editor

We are all out of duct tape. Do you know how many rolls of duct tape we have been through on this site since Java joined?

We don't have any peacock feathers left either, will emu feathers do instead?

We do off course have plenty of coffee. You don't want to know what happens if Java does not get her coffee. *shudder


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Mon 12 Nov 12 #17 
sally906
Contributor

A safe country with a safe and honest government SSG? So you are either off the planet or gone to Never Never Land!

As for me - no American based system for me - I'll take my chances with a Westminster Style government - where the idiots are out front and proud!


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Mon 12 Nov 12 #18 
Java
Factactrix

No duct tape? There's no pleasure in hearing screaming unless it's muffled ... sigh...


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Mon 12 Nov 12 #19 
Ajax
Contributor

I would have thought Singapore, but maybe 20 years ago. I don't have as much confidence in Baby Lee. And the weather sucks.


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Tue 13 Nov 12 #20 
sally906
Contributor

Agree Ajax - was in Singapore in April - we live in the tropics and even we wilted in their weather - is horrendous. The best way to enjoy Singapore is in a pool next to a cocktail bar!!!


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Wed 14 Nov 12 #21 
kevg
The Grumpinator

The results are almost all in. One of the candidates sits huddled in a corner, rocking back and forth, mouthing NO< NO< NO over and over again. Various Facta people gather to laugh at him and some throw rocks. The overwhelming attitude seems to be, serves him right, he was a fool.

Kevg takes a more relaxed attitude and throws him some bread. In future he won't mess with the big boys !!


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Wed 14 Nov 12 #22 
jmaxg
Contributor

I'm not rocking you idiot. I'm laughing....along with my team.

The "NO-NO-NO" was our recording of a certain person with a certain lady of the night.

Now, before you go all "obstropolous" and declare foul, she recorded the affair by herself and came to us therefore negating the need for search warrants.

It seems she thinks you are on the losing side and asks if she would be considered as the Minister of Health and Human Services. Something I am seriously considering.

I have more excerpts from the tape. They are VERY explanatory. That's all I have to say on that.

Now, where were we? I am behind you say? Interesting.


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Thu 15 Nov 12 #23 
southshoregirl

I don't know of whom you speak, jmaxg, but I do have a lot of spare duct tape for java. After the towers were hit my husband, brilliany with no common sense, decided that to escape any germ warfare from the scary anthrax mailings, that he would totally seal the house not realizing that we would slowly suffocate. Ah, yes, we do roll around laughing about Carlo Duct Tape folly and still have a great amount in the garage! Silly Carlo!

I would rather have you as Secretary of HHS than Sibelius. She really is a fool. She doesn't know what the laws are or what is constiutional. Dumb bunny.


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Fri 16 Nov 12 #24 
jmaxg
Contributor

Were you gone brother dear?

C'mon.......you started this....we gonna see it through?

As Superchicken used to say, and something I have grabbed as a philosophy ever since being a teenager in the 1970s, "You knew the job was dangerous when you took it Fred".


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Fri 16 Nov 12 #25 
kevg
The Grumpinator

I have been away supervising the delivery of several tons of duct tape. Time to hide for some i think.
Laughing ?? So they were tears of laughter ?? The usual spin from a defeated and humiliated candidate.

It has been suggested Jmax should be awarded a title such as El Presidente, a self appointed, ludicrous, moustachioed grasping bandit. I have vetoed this for now but submissions will be taken. Usually from Jmax.
Strangely votes taken in Jmax strongholds appear to be 51/49 to Kev but in the truly democratic Kevg heartlands it is more in the order of 100/0 to Kev.
Democracy at it's best.
There will be a small delay whilst my team adjust to the different time settings. 3am door bursts are compulsory for those who have voted for the wrong side. There will, of course, be lots of screaming, some of it from the "suspects".


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Fri 16 Nov 12 #26 
Ajax
Contributor

I'd be happy with a benevolent dictatorship.


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Fri 16 Nov 12 #27 
southshoregirl

Yes, I would take that, Ajax, or a kind parliamentary Monarchy with a non-genetically inbred King or Queen at this point in time. You know....the bearer of children who won't all look like horses or have dumbo ears and if we don't like them we can make them walk naked down the main street and pretend they are clothed. How about that? Transparency, right? lol


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Fri 16 Nov 12 #28 
southshoregirl

How about having an election on here. We can set it up and people will cast votes for either Kev or jmaxg after each has posted his platform...a brief, power point platform, and then we can all cast our ballots. Do I hear a second on this or is this too nasty? Not intending it to be. All meant to be a laugher now that the main election is over in the US.

I am not throwing my hat into the ring because of my scurrilous past history on factacular. Bwahahahahaha!


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Sun 18 Nov 12 #29 
jmaxg
Contributor

If any such process were to happen it would be purely symbolic and completely harmless as far as I can see.

We can look upon it as a process to elect a King, or in kev's case, a Queen......a position of no real power, but a link to the traditional precepts of power as a lesson in history.

Definitely would mean nothing in the Factacular.com sense. The Count is the Count, his chosen officers are just that, none of which are kev or me.

So, why the hell not....sounds like fun to me.

Get kevg to sign on and the fight has begun!


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Sun 18 Nov 12 #30 
kevg
The Grumpinator

Sign on ?? You ask the Supreme Overlord to sign on !! Already as I speak the votes are tumbling into my inbox !! Prepare to be humbled you robotic pretender !!


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Sun 18 Nov 12 #31 
Ajax
Contributor

I woul like to run for something. My life, perhaps.


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Sun 18 Nov 12 #32 
jmaxg
Contributor

That's called a "fun run" Ajax.

I recommend sensible shorts and a pair of Nikes.


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Sun 18 Nov 12 #33 
jackson (online)
Contributor

maybe a merkin?


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Sun 18 Nov 12 #34 
Java
Factactrix

Only if I and a few of the ladies here, can put in our vote for the best merkin on a man.

I'm in!!!


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Sun 18 Nov 12 #35 
jackson (online)
Contributor

i'll just load up my camera & be on my way. oh yeah where the hell am i going. seems i never know.


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #36 
southshoregirl

I will vote but not run because jmax says I am not making any friend. I will support a good President and Vice-President. Line them up and I will vote. (probably twice snigger, snigger)


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #37 
southshoregirl

Are we ever going to have a clear definition of merkin? I know what it is but does anyone else? Sheesh! How about a Merkin Party versus the Bald Eagle Party? If I crossed the line delete that.



Since I can never win an election on here, which is a good thing, I would like to be a campaign manager for Kev if he'll have me. After he wins I would like to be his Chief of Staff, of course.


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #38 
jackson (online)
Contributor

last time i checked a merkin was still a pubic wig. a more important question may be where i can get one.


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #39 
Ajax
Contributor

eBay?


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #40 
sally906
Contributor

I'd vote for the person who wore a pink Merkin - twirling nipple tassels would doubly impress!

...The Oxford Companion to the Body dates the origin of the pubic wig to the 1450s. According to the publication, women would shave their pubic hair for personal hygiene and to combat pubic lice. They would then don a merkin. Also, prostitutes would wear a merkin to cover up signs of disease, such as syphilis.
It has also been suggested that when male actors played female parts onstage, they would cover their genitals with a merkin so they could expose themselves as women in nude scenes.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary first use of the term itself was in 1617.

In Hollywood film making, merkins can be worn by actors and actresses to avoid inadvertent exposure of the genitalia during nude or semi-nude scenes. If a merkin are not worn, it would be necessary to restrict the shot to exclude the genital area. With the merkin in place, brief flashes of the crotch can be used if necessary. The presence of the merkin protects the actor from inadvertently performing "full-frontal" nudity — some contracts specifically require that nipples and genitals be covered in some way — which can help ensure that the film achieves a less restrictive MPAA rating...


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #41 
kevg
The Grumpinator

OK SSG you are aboard, the terrible twosome are doing a good job of winnowing out the wimps, you find them they'll get them !!!


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #42 
southshoregirl

Very fine research sally! I never realized the merkin was put to such practical uses! lol


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #43 
southshoregirl

Who will be your running mate, Kev. It should be someone excellent. How about a Guerilla Girl? They each have their own merits.


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #44 
southshoregirl

Ajax, you are going to keep 20,000 pts for a long time aren't you? I think you like it. Tell me if I am wrong.


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #45 
Ajax
Contributor

You are not wrong.


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #46 
southshoregirl

Haha! I suspected as much! Good. I am happy to know the machinations of your great mind better!


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Mon 19 Nov 12 #47 
Knitwitty
Member

Get yer knitted merkins 'ere! I've been busy watching the proceedings at the bottom of the gallows... err I mean rostrum (*hide the rope... hide the rope)

For those of you who want a bit of suffering I've made them out of extremely itchy Loughtan wool... usually kept for my biggest customer... a certain cult err sorry religion that needs to keep their thoughts pure by wearing scratchy underwear but what the heck... you deserve it.


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Tue 20 Nov 12 #48 
southshoregirl

I already have a large collection of merkins here. I acquired them for just such a situation! I will probably make use of my ermine merkin and give it to the winner of the Presidency.


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Tue 20 Nov 12 #49 
jackson (online)
Contributor

sure ya can knit one, it's comin by a real one that's tough.


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Tue 20 Nov 12 #50 
southshoregirl

Maybe that show Oddities has had a real one at some point in time.


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Tue 20 Nov 12 #51 
jackson (online)
Contributor

wouldn't be surprised. one of my favorite shows, though occasionally they might come up with a disgusting object or two. to each their own. art is art. the guy that
does paintings (& very well) in his own blood worried me a bit & the girl who saved her urine, froze it & used it as her medium, not real inspiring either.


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Tue 20 Nov 12 #52 
Knitwitty
Member

A true piss artist I would suggest!


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Wed 21 Nov 12 #53 
Lucy
Contributor

Merkin,Smirkin,Pass me a Gerkin! Happy Thanksgiving!


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Wed 21 Nov 12 #54 
jmaxg
Contributor

No running mates......just a straight vote. Keeps it simple.

As for genital wigs (merkins), ours would probably be both based on red, white and blue. Big deal!! Even if I was still in the old country, it would still be red, white and blue......like, duhhhh!

Hmmmmm....this is proving to be a more difficult proposition than I assumed.


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Wed 21 Nov 12 #55 
Ajax
Contributor

No, you just need to decide if you're a strain or a merkin.


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Wed 21 Nov 12 #56 
kevg
The Grumpinator

Creeping stealthy as a cat the terrible twins access the mansion. Easily evading the old fashioned CCTV cameras they look around for "souvenirs" to prove they've been. Complicated hand signals end in Sally ( a pseudonym) waiting at the door reading a book. The Life of Hilda Baker, one of her all time heroines. As Toes (another pseudonym) races from the upstairs rooms having done the deed Sally will hold the door open to allow Toes not to stop for anything.
Toes silently ascends the stairway, pausing as a step creaks. She steps back and squeaks it again, and again, trying to make a tune. Sally throws an empty bottle at her , which luckily hits it's target and muffles the sound. Climbing again Toes enters the bathroom and snorts in disgust at the decor. Men !! What can you do with them !!
Muffling any sound by stuffing her pockets with toilet roll and toothpaste she checks her needle sharp screwdriver. Wiping away the blood with the remnants of the toilet paper Toes stealthily enters the master bedroom, no-one there ?? Then she spots a foot under the bed. Ha ! old habits die hard do they !! The work of a moment to slide her chiv into the victims neck. She waits and licks a sample of the oozing blood. O positive, quite nice, well aged. Racing down the stairs and stuffing the Old Masters from the wall as she hurtles past a startled Sally, who is doubled up in laughter at the antics of Hilda. Away into the night, no-one will ever know they were there.
Another execution by The Squad. 2 in a week, no-one will notice Uss Palladin and Shortbreadfor me are gone for months !!


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Wed 21 Nov 12 #57 
TABBYTOES
Contributor

our victims never die, theyare driven mad mad mad i tell you!......we have acquired taped conversations between jmax and a dangerous right wing englishman [Tony Blair] and love letters to kev from Margaret Thatcher. uss and shortie may vanish but we will keep them alive for our on pleasure....HAAAAAA! CACKLE CAKLE!........settle down Sally


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Wed 21 Nov 12 #58 
southshoregirl

LOL You are fiends!


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Wed 21 Nov 12 #59 
southshoregirl

I think I shall wear a feather merkin to Thanksgiving Dinner. We have no cats around here to confuse it with a bird. heh heh heh


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Thu 22 Nov 12 #60 
sally906
Contributor

Heh! Heh! Heh! Weeze is the baddest baddies around. Secretive, swift, lethal and gorgeous!

Pleasure? Oooh lots of lovely pleasure for us! Maybe not for our victims though. So who,else wants to bot for the other side?

Hands up - don't be shy now - we love to come visit!


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Thu 22 Nov 12 #61 
southshoregirl

You are free to measure me for my feather merkin but no funny stuff, you cats! I will mortally wound you if you do an funny stuff to me. Grrrrrrrrrr.


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Sat 24 Nov 12 #62 
jmaxg
Contributor

Who the hell's mansion were you in? It wasn't mine. I don't own a mansion! Let alone a staircase.

As for Tony Blair, we swapped jerseys once. Big deal! The man is mad about soccer!

(actually, I offered him an Aussie Rules Collingwood jersey as a swap first up and he declined. All I had after that was the Socceroos and he took it. It made me bilious and I threw up a little in my mouth, but that's diplomacy for ya)

But I still gotta know, who's mansion was this? And why were you breaking and entering it?


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Mon 26 Nov 12 #63 
kevg
The Grumpinator

The ultra sensitive antennae have pinpointed the hole in the ground from which that last message was despatched. The Squad are on their way !! So perish all who challenge the might of "the present incumbent".


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Mon 26 Nov 12 #64 
TABBYTOES
Contributor

mansion or no mansion we have had a good rifle through your drawers. beware we have names,, pictures and the name of the shop where you bought the equipment!........we have at our disposal a large gang of ill educated English Thugs [sixth form from Eton]......kev has just parted with an undislosed sum to see inside our portfolio!


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Mon 26 Nov 12 #65 
Ajax
Contributor

Bollocks! That's the Playboy Mansion!


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Mon 26 Nov 12 #66 
sally906
Contributor

Ooooooh. Was that why all those pretty boys were there? Tabbie and I thought they were prisoners and have been thoroughly interagating them. It's exhausting - but will get information out eventually - in a year or two.

We dragged a few of those poor half naked lassies who were also being kept imprisoned. Kev said he'd put them under strict scrutiny and the brave little soldier wants no help at all!


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Tue 27 Nov 12 #67 
southshoregirl

YOU DOGS!


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Tue 27 Nov 12 #68 
jmaxg
Contributor

Dickweed! There IS NO present incumbent! We are supposed to be doing this anew! So, whoever's house you are in, get out of it!

*sigh......it's not as if this is that hard.

*jmax nostalgically picks up one of his "binders of women"......

Mmmmmmmm.......Vickie Smith, March 1992. You may not have been known as "Anna Nicole" then, but you were the very essence of a brick shi.....WOOP! WOOP! WOOP!

Not again! Somebody keeps trying to break into my van!! Dammit!


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Tue 27 Nov 12 #69 
Java
Factactrix

Dear Fluffy Luv Muffin jmaxg,

Not trying to break into your van.

Trying to break your neck. I have witnesses who will testify it is justified.

Love,
Your Iron Mistress


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Wed 28 Nov 12 #70 
TABBYTOES
Contributor

not in mansion jm been in the seedy bed sit you keep secret from the wife [ nudge nudge say no more!]...hey buddy you look a little crumpled maybe the mistress lost the iron!.......and hey sal those gilrls were fully dressed when thet arrived chez Kev!


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Wed 28 Nov 12 #71 
sally906
Contributor

Well they're not now - they're round the back building tanks with big canons - and their uniforms are non- existent

To be fair I am not wearing my glasses.

Oops. I probably wasn't meant to mention the tanks. Um ... They are ... Um ... fish tanks! Yes that's it - fish tanks with fish in them!


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Wed 28 Nov 12 #72 
Proofreader
Member

Piranas??


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #73 
jmaxg
Contributor

Ok, I have worked with my advertising staff, the demographics guys, the spin doctors, poll slaves, the handicapped we put into the photocopying department (blame civil service agencies around the world for that little gem), cleaning staff, tea ladies and various hangers on and we have all come up with something.....

ok....ready for this? Righto, here we go....

"Bender sez jmax for Prez".

Whadaya think? Got a certain ring to it or what?

Yeah, I know, back to the drawing board.

Where the hell is my campaign manager???


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #74 
kevg
The Grumpinator

I have that "lady" under close arrest already I'm afraid. Maybe time to look for more friends if you can find any !!!


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #75 
JMK
Editor

I have escaped!


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #76 
JMK
Editor

Have discussed with the team of consultants (bill is in the mail) and our collective brainwave was:

Jmax rulez - ok?


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #77 
jmaxg
Contributor

Ok, so we have some work to do.


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #78 
JMK
Editor

No problem, the advertising staff, the demographics guys, the spin doctors, poll slaves etc etc have consulted again (bill is in the mail) and we think this one should fly:

Jmax, jmax ra ra ra

Jmax, jmax he'll go far!!



Pure genius I think.


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #79 
jmaxg
Contributor

A little collegiate, don't ya think?


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #80 
JMK
Editor

I picture some cheerleaders delivering it. Has the added bonus of distracting your opposition, he'll be so busy watching the cheerleaders he will forget to campaign.


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #81 
jmaxg
Contributor

A good point considering his avatars.

Ok......do we have a platform?


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #82 
JMK
Editor

Of course!

* quickly runs to consult with the advertising staff, the demographics guys, the spin doctors, poll slaves etc etc.


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #83 
jmaxg
Contributor

*sigh

You are my campaign director......you are supposed to tell them.

Unless it's a majestic managerial thing.......taking advantage of assets and all that.


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #84 
JMK
Editor

The sum is greater than the whole of the parts or the many heads are better than a bird in the hand and many cooks make good chicken soup.


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Thu 29 Nov 12 #85 
jmaxg
Contributor

We are going for President of Factacular here, not Iron Chef.


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Sat 1 Dec 12 #86 
southshoregirl

Bender cannot vote. He is not human. Sorry.


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Sat 1 Dec 12 #87 
southshoregirl

I am voting for Ajax and Nemesis. THAT's MY BALLOT and it has been cast. It is a write in and I would like it to be recorded. Sorry Kev.


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Sat 1 Dec 12 #88 
JMK
Editor

So firstly you are voting twice and secondly, they aren't even standing ;)


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Sat 1 Dec 12 #89 
Ajax
Contributor

Shhhh, she hit her head.


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Sun 2 Dec 12 #90 
Knitwitty
Member

Ooo that's a brilliant idea... 2 votes and they don't even have to be standing... I'm going for Sally and Tabby... what a coalition that will be! And hey if it's good enough for you UK-ites to have two emperors err sorry Prime Ministers then Factaculand can give it a go too...

Kev and Jmax could rule together wearing ill fitting suits and patronising smiles as they shake hands and agree to disagree with anything the other says no matter how ludicrous... no change there then...

Or how about SSG and Ajax?


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Sun 2 Dec 12 #91 
southshoregirl

Count me out. Thanks all the same.


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Mon 3 Dec 12 #92 
jmaxg
Contributor

You know what? That's a great idea Knitty. Add them into the mix......fine by me.


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Mon 3 Dec 12 #93 
TABBYTOES
Contributor

can they have ill fitting toupees or ludicrous comb overs to go withthe suits?........if elected sally and i will see that kev gets improved hospital care under our obarmy care he will be booked into a luxury care home for the bewildered


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Tue 4 Dec 12 #94 
kevg
The Grumpinator

More hats being thrown into the ring ?? I shall have a fine collection when this is over !! Whose is the one with the Tyrolean Feather ?? I'll have severe words with you Toes !!


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Tue 4 Dec 12 #95 
Ajax
Contributor

Vote for me if you want a benevolent dictatorship. That would be on a good day, however.


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Tue 4 Dec 12 #96 
sally906
Contributor

I was born to rule. I'm sure Tabby and I could create a benevolent duel dictatorship. We would rule alternative days and take Sundays off to go to church and sharpen our claws.

SSG aka honeybear has bumped her head too so off to the bewildered home for her as well - maybe the separate end to Kev though. We want every one to be happy happy happy under our O'barmy care. If they're not happy we have drugs!


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Tue 4 Dec 12 #97 
southshoregirl

I would be a tyrant and you generally seem to like a FIRM yet kind hand Plus justice, so if you like that I will rUn as wllL. I will certainly like Ajax to me an equal partner to me in ruling the daily mrss of Factacular

My head is healing. I have mad healing progress though the left dide of my skull is still tender and the bruise is a massive work of Modern art, moving slowly donw onto my cheek where ii is yellow. The rest is hidreous and looks as someone spilt a bottle ot purple ink om it. But don't worry! hONEY BADGER
DON'T CARE!!!!

i ONLY HIT ME HEAD ONCR SALLY! NO RUMOURS, PLESE1


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Wed 5 Dec 12 #98 
southshoregirl

Wow. I just reread that! I really hit my head hard! LOL Go ahead and laugh! It is so ridiculous I am laughing at it myself. I still have yellow skin and a fierce black eye!

I will vote for Ajax. Only if she denounces Hilllary! Hahaha!


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Wed 5 Dec 12 #99 
southshoregirl

Honey Badger don't care whose cousin she is, either! Hahahahahahahaha!


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Thu 6 Dec 12 #100 
sally906
Contributor

Can't pick your relatives - but you can pick your friends.


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Thu 6 Dec 12 #101 
southshoregirl

That's for sure, Sally. I only have one second cousin once removed who brings me great hilarity and fun. The rest are dead heads and I barely even stay in touch with them. The same goes for my sister I care about her well-being, of course, but I don't want to be sucked,into her degraded world in any way at all. I would help her if she needed me and it ends there. She used to be great fun before she moved to a coven of wierdos in New Englands. *shudder*


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Sat 8 Dec 12 #102 
Doctor Factenstein
Evil Genius

Please do not use these forums, public or private, to abuse, threaten or bully other members of the site.

Agree or disagree at your leisure, of course, but keep it civil please.

Thanks.


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Sun 9 Dec 12 #103 
southshoregirl

Okay, Stu, I'll be sure to be careful.


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Tue 11 Dec 12 #104 
kevg
The Grumpinator

A direct quote from a candidate: *jmax squeals with enthusiasm!

I rest my case !!


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Tue 11 Dec 12 #105 
Leo McKern
Member

Java...Superglue, Handcuffs, nails, duct tape and vegetable oil.. Do you also dress in a leather catsuit and thigh length boots, cos if you do I don't care what you stand for but you've got my vote..


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Fri 14 Dec 12 #106 
southshoregirl

I love Java but I must be loyal to my team mate, Ajax.


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Sun 16 Dec 12 #107 
jmaxg
Contributor

It was fun Kev.

But I have no wish to deal with feral.

I'm out. I'll let my campaign manager know.

Good luck.


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Sun 16 Dec 12 #108 
Ajax
Contributor

Shame. I only wanted a foreign affairs portfolio. I like to travel. And eat.


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Sun 16 Dec 12 #109 
Leo McKern
Member

For president I believe you have a choice as the judge would say are you "Gaulty" or "Not Gaulty". I for one hope for a Gaulty verdict. Kevg for President.


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Sun 16 Dec 12 #110 
Ajax
Contributor

Pervsident?


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Mon 17 Dec 12 #111 
kevg
The Grumpinator

Nowt wrong with perverts, we are sadly misunderstood


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This topic is now closed.






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