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Mon 16 Sep 13 #1 
Java
Factactrix


WELCOME TO JAVA JIVE “LAUGH-IN” TOURNAMENT

Some favorite lines from George Carlin:

  1. If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
  2. Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
  3. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
  4. One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.

GENERAL RULES AND INFORMATION: (Please read) The Tournament consists of teams consisting of 2 members. The Java Jive will commence on September 23, 2013. Signup will close on Sunday, September 22nd at 8PM GMT. Competition will consist of six (6) specific subject Brainoffs of 10 questions beings sent everyday for five days. Only the Tournament Mistress and her Partner in Crime have knowledge of the subjects to be sent. Be warned, these subjects are not for the faint-hearted. Players must be available to play every day for the whole week. Please do not let your teammate down by signing up and then not playing once competition commences.

Teams will be randomly formed. All one has to do to sign up is post the message “I’m in” and you will be matched with another member to form a team. All team names need to based on an "COMEDIAN". Male or Female. But please try to keep it short as names are combined to form a team name. Please post an 'COMEDIAN' beside your “I’m in’ message. Team matchups will be posted in the forum.

The Tournament Mistress will match team members based on IDs so that those who have been members the longest will be matched with those who have been here the shortest length of time. Teams will be posted on September 22nd.  You will receive brainoffs from ‘Java Jive’.  A progressive Results Table will be posted in a public forum available to all team members. In the case of a tie (mathematically this works out as 1/10¯⁴²~ x 100) The Tournament Mistress or Official Partner in Crime will send three (3) specific subject brainoffs to break the tie. The individual scores for each team member will be added together to form a cumulative team total. The team with the highest cumulative total wins. In case the Factacular site hiccups, we will spring into action and resolve issues as soon as the site is up and running and continue with the competition.

We do respectfully ask that everyone play their challenges as soon as possible after receiving them --- you will be less likely be affected if the site goes down. We will only replay challenges if the site is down for more than 12 hours. We will not replay for anyone letting the challenge time out or for minor site glitches.

AND FINALLY, The Tournament Mistress and her Partners in Crime volunteer their own time, so have some patience with the resolution of any problems that you may encounter and expect that there may be delays in the immediate posting of results. Please send a private message to Javalyne or JMK if you encounter problems or discrepancies. Decisions made by The Tournament Mistress and her Partners in Crime are final and no correspondence will be entered into. Invite other members to come and play! Everyone gets an award and most of all --- everyone has fun!

Post a joke if you feel like - everyone needs a good laugh!




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #2 
sally906
Contributor

She steps cautiously into the arena and says "I'm In"  - Billy Connolly




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #3 
sally906
Contributor

Joke:

I was at the senior centre today and failed a health and safety course that was put on to test us old fogies!

One of the questions was:

"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"

Effing big ones was apparently the wrong answer!!!




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #4 
linda freitas
Member

In--Lucille Ball--I'm Lucy

 




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #5 
kevg
The Grumpinator

Jimmy Tarbuck, joke of the day ? Jmaxg




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #6 
kevg
The Grumpinator

Sally, speaking of which (true story) I failed an exam for probation officer assistant. They asked if threatened by a guy with a knife what would you do ?? Break his wrist was the wrong answer. Apparently I should call the police ? While being threatened with a knife ??




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #7 
rmcmanus
Editor

"A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores."

Can I be Miranda Richardson in her comic turn as Queenie in Black Adder please (I know she's not technically a comedian per se but she made me laugh so much I fell off the sofa)




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #8 
amalia
Member

In please Danny Bhoy




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #9 
JMK
Editor

That is probably one of the funniest things I have seen rmc. Queenie and Nursie with Blackadder, priceless.






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Tue 17 Sep 13 #10 
mapmaker
Contributor

in please...lenny bruce




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #11 
rmcmanus
Editor

I just start smiling when I think of it, and the office is wondering what the choked guffaw was that came from my office




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #12 
caro
Contributor

in --name to follow :)




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #13 
telemachus
Contributor

I'm in - Catherine Tate.




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Tue 17 Sep 13 #14 
Seve
Editor

I'm in ... John Candy ...."those aren't pillows!"




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Wed 18 Sep 13 #15 
jmaxg
Contributor

In......Ronnie Barker.

"Following the dispute with the domestic servants' union at Buckingham Palace today, the Queen, a radiant figure in a white silk gown and crimson robe, swept down the main staircase and through the hall. She then dusted the cloakroom and vacuumed the lounge."

and....

"Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred "Chuckles" Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence."

and.....

"The Metropolitan Police today denied that prisoners in their custody are excessively pampered. This follows yesterday's report that a man was hustled out of New Scotland Yard with an electric blanket over his head."




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Wed 18 Sep 13 #16 
mano762009
Contributor

in pls. Dolphy




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Wed 18 Sep 13 #17 
Quiz3000
Contributor

In please, Eddie Izzard

 




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Wed 18 Sep 13 #18 
thaibob
Member

I'm in, Richard Pryor




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Wed 18 Sep 13 #19 
Tazing
Contributor

I'm in - Robin Williams




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Wed 18 Sep 13 #20 
shortbreadforme27
Contributor

In as Rikki Fulton aka The Reverend I M Jolly.




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Thu 19 Sep 13 #21 
TABBYTOES
Contributor

in Les Dawson




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Fri 20 Sep 13 #22 
Allan R. Matthes
Contributor

in as Frank Gorshin




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Fri 20 Sep 13 #23 
shortbreadforme27
Contributor

Aka The Riddler.

 




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Fri 20 Sep 13 #24 
Java
Factactrix

PARTICIPANTS

sally906 - Billy Connolly aka "The Big Yin"

linda freitas - Lucille Ball

kevg - Jimmy Tarbuck

rmcmanus - Miranda Richardson

amalia - Danny Bhoy

mapmaker - Lenny Bruce

caro - tba The Unknown Comic

telemachus - Catherine Tate

Seve - John Candy

jmaxg - Ronnie Barker

mano762009 - Dolphy

Quiz3000 - Eddie Izzard

thaibob - Richard Pryor

Tazing - Robin Williams

shortbreadforme27 - The Reverend I M Jolly

Tabbytoes - Les Dawson

Allan R. Matthes - Frank Gorshin

soupy - Jerry Lewis

JMK - Dawn French

Java - Phyllis Diller




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Sat 21 Sep 13 #25 
soupy
Member

In please Jerry Lewis




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Sat 21 Sep 13 #26 
Java
Factactrix

Attention Everyone:

As you know (or don't know) Facta is having some issues with the answers being revealed during the brainoff since changing over to the new server.

The Count is currently working on this problem and one of the unintended affects may be that Facta will have to go offline until everything is fixed and working properly.

Given that answers may be revealed the Java Jive will be postponed until given the all clear. 

 




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Mon 23 Sep 13 #27 
JMK
Editor

The problem appears to have been fixed so the Jive will be able to get underway in the near future. Java will update you on the new timeframe.




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Mon 23 Sep 13 #28 
Java
Factactrix

The Jive will commence later today --- sorry, I woke up late and I'm going to be late for work!




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Tue 24 Sep 13 #29 
Java
Factactrix

TEAMS

Tarbuck Ball - kevg & linda freitas
Gorshin Tate - Allan R. Matthes & telemachus
The Unknown Pryor - caro & thiabob
Big Yin Jerry - sally906 & soupy
Izzard Candy - Quiz3000 & Seve
Robin Diller - Java & Tazing
Dawson Barker - jmaxg & TABBYTOES
French Bhoy - JMK & amalia
I M Jolly Reverend Bruce  - mapmaker & shortbreadforme27
Miranda Dolphy - mano762009 & rmcmanus




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Tue 24 Sep 13 #30 
Java Jive
Member

The Jive "Laugh-In" tournament scores can be found by clicking here.




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